I left a comment on a Dad Revolution blog article about balance being a hard concept for dads and thought it might be helpful to discuss the two things I think can make a big difference in all our relationships, not just those with our children.
Think about the interactions you value the most in an important relationship. When you are with those people, what are they doing? Are they on their phone browsing Facebook or sending text messages? Checking email or stock quotes on a laptop? Are they engrossed in a rerun on TV? Are they daydreaming, possibly about being somewhere else? Most likely, none of the above apply when you are spending quality time with a favorite person.
My guess is your most treasured interactions occur when people are mentally and emotionally present. They are engaged, listening, and actively participating in a conversation or activity. We can’t force other people to be present or mindful, but by our own choice to be more present and mindful in our relationships, we can provide space to create quality interactions.
The second thing we can do is to be intentional in our time with others. We have to set time aside consistently to nourish our relationships. For some, this means scheduling a date night with your partner. For parents, it can be as simple as letting them know that after dinner you are going to play with them for 30 minutes before bedtime. Spontaneous interactions are awesome, but they seldom happen frequently enough to build great relationships.
So if we are consistently intentional in setting up interactions, even in small ways, and are present during those times, our relationships will flourish. Initially it may take a lot of time to improve the relationship, depending on the history. But as others see we are being authentic and fully engaged, it will take a smaller quantity of time to produce the quality time we desire.
How are you intentional in setting up quality time? Are you fully engaged and really present when you are with others?