I watched the documentary film Happy SAHD last night and wanted to share some thoughts and give you a taste of the film. Like most times when I sit down to do something, one or both of the kids needs something or just want to know what I’m doing. As soon as I hit play, one of the kids started throwing stuff around in their room instead of trying to go to sleep. After checking on them and getting myself a snack I was ready to watch.
The movie features fourteen dads from the Baltimore area who are the primary caregivers for their children. The film starts out with the dads telling how they moved into the SAHD role, with what seemed to be the majority did so for monetary reasons. Several fathers were teachers and social workers, so their wives, as accountants and such, had more earning power. One father did take FMLA (Family & Medical Leave Act) time for 3 months and decided he had a better job staying home with the kids. As each dad discussed money and the cost of putting kids in childcare, I wondered how many SAHDs exist that chose to stay home for the primary reason of wanting to raise the kids full-time. Our decision for me to stay at home was some of both, but mostly related to the fact that I didn’t enjoy the work I was doing and taking time off seemed like a good choice after my wife received a job offer.
The movie continues discussing how the fathers were perceived by their extended families and how with the increase in a woman’s earning power, though still not equitable in the workplace, allowed men the freedom to choose what they wanted to do. One father even mentioned that they just “threw grandma under the bus” because they revealed she did not approve of him staying at home with the kids. And one guy joked how his father “thinks I have tons of free time.”
The next topic discussed was the “Societal Scourge”. I think that is a very fitting title because SAHDs are sometimes treated like lepers. The film mentions one dad who was approached by a police offer while he was at the park with his child when nearby moms were concerned that something might be wrong. The crappy Stephen Colbert skit about SAHDs was even included in the film as evidence that society doesn’t understand, expect, or for the most part, accept fathers can be great caregivers.
The benefits fathers get from being there for their kids was covered as well as some of the side effects dads experience when they forget about the more mundane parts of being at home like laundry and housework. The dads said things like “You think you know, but you don’t” and “your juggling skills are challenged” in reference to what is was like going through the transition of being a SAHD. The best line though was the dad that stated “I just want him to take a crap….”. It is indeed a great accomplishment for any parent when your kids can do their duties without help.
The support the dads receive from being in a group of people facing the same situation was discussed as well. The differences in how moms and dads handle situations was commented on by the dads and one of the moms. The mom noted that her husband wouldn’t care if she sat on her ass all day and ate cookies, but she would care if that’s what her husband did while she was at work. And most of the dads plan to return to work when their kids were in school and there was “no excuse” to be at home full-time.
The best part of the film was during several of the interviews the dads had to stop responding and check on their kids. That truthful touch provided the authenticity I needed to see in the film to really connect with everything else they were saying. Because I really could relate to everything the dads covered. But seeing them being distracted as well in front of a camera just made it easier for me to say “Yep, that’s my life as well!”.
The worst part of the film was watching the guy rap at the end about being at home with the kids. Though it was like a train wreck because the lyrics were so funny I couldn’t stop watching.
I recommend any SAHD, especially those just starting out, watch this film. It gives an honest portrayal of what the daily ups and downs can be like for a SAHD. Plus it’s funny. If you’ve been a SAHD for a while, you’ll see parts of yourself in the responses from the various dads.
“We’re not the norm. Get used to it!”