There were two articles in my blog reader this morning about SAHDs approaching normalcy. One guy, Aaron Traister, posted an article about his experiences in a pretty conservative Philly neighborhood. He mostly thinks things have shifted to where being a SAHD is ho-hum news, nothing to see as out of the ordinary. Aaron’s article is well written and the last line caught me off guard and had me spitting tea on my desk. The other article, by Brian Reid at RebelDad.com, is more in line with what I see happening online and initially experience from some folks I meet.
I care about the perception of SAHDs in our society at large, but I am more concerned about the individual experiences a SAHD has as he goes about his daily duties. For me, regardless of how acceptable being a SAHD is or is not in our society, there are phases relationships go through from ignorance to learning to acceptance. I think this can happen to everyone when we meet someone who falls outside the “norm” of our worldview.
Some people I meet are just ignorant (not stupid, that’s totally different, though I do meet my fair share of those folks, too) of why a father would choose to stay at home with his kids. There worldview says only a mom should stay at home with the kids, or at a minimum, a dad should be working or trying to find work outside the home.
As I spend more time around these people we learn about each other and they begin to see that I’m really not that strange, at least in reference to being a stay-at-home dad. The relationships are casual and continue to grow. As they do, I find myself and my role as a stay-at-home dad being fully accepted. I can honestly and fortunately say I have not had the displeasure of meeting anyone who does not accept my role as a stay-at-home dad. Some people have their opinions about what they consider right or wrong, but it’s never interfered with their acceptance of what my wife and I have chosen to do for our family.
I know this is not the case for a lot of stay-at-home dads, though. Everywhere they go they are met with stares, belittling questions about work and are generally not accepted. For those fathers I highly recommend connecting with other fathers online if there are no local groups. Or do the research and find other dads in your geographic area who would like to get together just to talk. Create your own group. The benefits of talking to other dads experiencing the same things as you far outweigh the cost of trying to find people and organize a meetup.
As a stay-at-home dad, do you experience these different phases with folks you meet? Or are they mostly stuck in ignorance?